What's in a Name?
by Salser
Summary: No relation to any of the Bard's works. Shepard is stressed dealing with the aftermath of the Reaper War. Added to that, she now has to think of a name for her unborn child. Liara tries to cheer her up by enlisting the "help" of their friends. Ridiculously silly, light-hearted fluff.


**A/N: After the sombreness of **_**Empty**_** and **_**15 Seconds**_**, I felt I needed to write some silly, ridiculous rubbish to cheer myself up. This was the result – some inspired by, unfortunately, personal experience. Oh and if any of you readers are actually called one of the following names… please know there was no offense intended ;)**

**So… Shep and Liara get their little blue child after all. Shepard's stressing about the aftermath of the Reaper War, and having to choose a name to live up to all the scrutiny is driving her mad. Liara decides to help by asking all their friends for their most "helpful" suggestions. Squad mates dead post-ME3 are unfortunately, not represented.**

**And, err, yeah... I'm actually embarrassed this story is so daft. I was convinced to upload it, but it may find itself taken down.  
**

* * *

**Joker  
**Spyrme – _Spear-me Shepard? Thanks, Joker… really.  
_Roni and Pepe… if it's twins! – _Pepperoni Shepard… Pizza Hut will have a field day.  
_Karminnow – _I see what you did there, Joker. I am _not_ calling my daughter "cumming now Shepard"._

**Chakwas  
**Commander – _what, even my daughter doesn't get a first name, Doc?  
_Incontinent  
Prolapsed – _eeeeww keep your problems to yourself!_

**Kaidan  
**Special K – _no, Kaidan. My daughter is not "special". Although… you kind of are.  
_Rambo  
Beefcake

**Garrus  
**Chickenstalker – _you wish, Garrus… you wish.  
_Mosher – _ok, I know I can't dance… no need to take it out on my baby girl  
_Baaaabaaa – _is this revenge for me calling you "Turkey" all the time?_

**Tali  
**Tail – _is that a typo, Tali? I'd like to name my daughter after you, but… Tail?  
_Smelly  
Hhhaaabbshemmmmcksienapeisft – pronounced Reegar.

**Wrex  
**Gotobed – I wish I'd named my firstborn that, Shepard! It would save so many words! Instead of "Shepard, go to bed," I could just say "Gotobed!"  
Pie  
Chewbacca – _I really should never have shared Star Wars with you…_

**Miranda  
**Abcde – _really, Miranda, I know this isn't your thing, but try a little?  
_Broccoli  
Shesoni – _oh god… Oh god…_

**Jacob  
**Priiiiiize – _no. Just… no.  
_German – _ha. Ha. Ha.  
_Tesstess – _uh, Jacob? "Tess-Tess" might sound nice, but it kinda looks like "testes"…_

**EDI  
**Commander, I have searched 21st century records for names which celebrities gave their children. I hope it will be of help.  
Sage Moonblood  
Moxie Crimefighter  
Kal-El – _wonderful. My three daughters, Sage Moonblood, Moxie Crimefighter and Superman, teaming up to rid the world of criminal scum._

**Grunt  
**Female – _FemShep does have a certain ring to it…  
_He-he-he  
AMMO

**Jack  
**Lagina – _hmm, I suppose I should be glad she didn't suggest "Vagina"  
_Magina  
Vagina – _sigh._

**Kasumi  
**Smurfette  
Squidgee  
LaShepard – _LaShepard Shepard. Right._

**Samara  
**Shepard, I have no experience with human naming customs, but I have researched your lore and come up with some suggestions.  
Sir Lancelot  
Ghandi  
Bart Simpson

**Zaeed  
**Gonorrhoea  
Constipated  
Imahogg – _"I'm a pig" Shepard. Nice._

**Kelly  
**Nug  
Teletubby  
Eh-oh!

**James  
**Goldengayed – _I know you're a jock and all, but "I shat my pants" Shepard? Really?  
_Sexfruit  
Doodoo

**Steve  
**Steeeeeeeeeve!  
Huggywuggy  
Altaïr ibn La'Ahad – _that's it… videogame privileges suspended._

**Samantha  
**Hermione  
Gandalf  
Frodo

**Javik  
**Human  
Facepalm  
¡Ay, caramba!

* * *

Shepard looked up from the datapad Liara had handed her with a sigh. Her bondmate stood in front of her, the asari's amused smile barely concealed behind her slender hand.

"This isn't helping, T'Soni," Shepard grumbled, reaching out to draw the heavily-pregnant Liara onto her lap. With a soft sigh, she gently rested her head against her bondmate's bump, humming as a soft kick brushed against her cheek.

Liara ran her hand through the human's hair, allowing it to rest on her neck. She leant over to kiss the top of the Commander's head, even as she softly squeezed the tense muscles of her neck. "Do not worry yourself about this, Shepard. You will be a great parent. When the time comes, our daughter's name will come to us."

Shepard allowed a soft, tired smile to cross her face, knowing that her bondmate would be able to feel it. "Thank you, Liara. For everything."

Her grin turned impudent as she straightened, pulling the asari into a gentle kiss. As the kiss deepened, Shepard stood swiftly, gathering Liara in her arms. Liara's smug smirk only hastened her stride as she carried her bondmate towards the bedroom.

"Who taught Javik Spanish, anyway?"


End file.
